Finding The
Words
While speaking from the heart can be daunting, there’s something special about reciting vows you’ve inimitably transcribed. Jacqueline Maya speaks with Vanessa Ord, an authorised marriage celebrant, about why modern-day couples are choosing to write their own wedding vows.
Image Credit: Kevin McGinn Photographer
To ensure you won’t be tongue-tied on your special day, Western Australia Wedding & Bride provides some handy tips so your declarations of love are as unique as the relationship between you and your partner.
A Write Of Passage
Originating in medieval times, wedding vows are one of the oldest traditions to date. More recently, couples are revamping this age-old custom by including their own vows to add a more personal touch.
“Couples are choosing to write their own vows more often because they are realising this is the part of the ceremony where the marriage actually takes place – the climax,” Ord says. “It is their opportunity to make [the vows] uniquely theirs, and [relayed] in their own words that really encapsulate their love for each other.”
“Choosing to write your own vows will also ensure that your ceremony is intimate, original, and – above all else – very special,” she continues. “The process of thinking about your vows also gives you a chance to reflect on your decision to marry.”
Deciding to personalise your vows allows you to express your adoration for the person you love, but where do you start?
Sharing Is Caring
While it’s common for couples to write their vows separately, according to Ord choosing to write your vows together, and with the help of your celebrant, has many advantages. “The process of talking about [your vows] and making decisions together brings couples closer and allows them to share the joy and deep love in the relationship,” Ord says. “It [also] allows them to focus on the things that really matter – the essence, if you like.”
Whether you decide to write your vows separately or together, never underestimate the power of a professional.
Professionally Speaking
Organising a wedding can be extremely stressful at the best of times, let alone pouring your heart out in front of an audience, but with the help
from the right professional, your vows and wedding day will be just as you imagined and more.
“I provide a full service and charge a flat rate so couples know there are no extras – they can have everything they want. After an initial free consultation, I spend a little time chatting generally with my couples to get a feel for who they are and what makes their relationship unique and special,” Ord says. “We also talk about the style of their wedding and what they are looking for in a celebrant. My fee includes a folio of 175 pages of resources to help them create their own ceremony, including the table and chairs for signing, a PA system and travel, as well as rehearsal, music downloads, special rituals, and – of course – the ceremony itself.”
With her strong empathetic qualities and extensive experience in the industry, as well as a background in performance and organisation, it’s no wonder Ord has been part of hundreds of happy couples’ wedding ceremonies, from the planning stage through to putting on the rings.
Word Searching
Your vows should be inspired by your feelings towards your partner. However, sometimes this can be hard to put into words. According to Ord, the biggest challenge is in using the right language. “It is not our usual way of talking,” she says. “[Your vows are usually] intimate and full of sentiment and meaning.”
Ord suggests asking yourself questions such as ‘What are the three most important things in your relationship?’, ‘Do you want to make a statement or make promises?’, and ‘Whether you want your vows to reflect what you value or what you hope for?’ are surefire ways to help get that ballpoint pen rolling. Doing some preliminary research online is also a great starting point as well, she adds.
However, if you’re still feeling uninspired, your celebrant can provide you with several references and even be part of the writing process, if preferred. “For my clients, I [also] provide around 80 examples of vows. These give the couple lots of ideas regarding structure, emotions, words and sentiments,” Ord says. “They can choose from these or use them to create their own, or show me
what they like, and I can make suggestions.”
“I really encourage my couples to write their own [vows], as I truly believe it creates the closeness, authenticity, and intimacy that most couples want [in their wedding ceremony],” Ord says. “Often this task is too difficult, so I [can] help them in a way that they still have made a strong contribution, but I have done the final writing with their approval and final say.”
Short Stories Or Long Tales
When it comes to determining the length of your vows, there aren’t any hard and fast rules. “There is so much in your heart … that [your vows] could go on forever,” Ord says. “The challenge of writing your own vows is what to leave out.”
“A celebrant will have years of writing experience and will instinctively know how to structure and edit a vow,” she adds. “Being concise, yet truly meaningful, is difficult [at the best of times], and a professional celebrant will be able to make suggestions about the flow of your vows and determine whether they are too repetitive or even inappropriate.”
Another contention surrounding wedding vows is whether using clichés are passé. “Love is universal and connects all couples who are choosing this step in their relationship, so clichés are inevitable but not necessarily bad,” Ord says. “The classics often inspire us and are very helpful in trying to fnd a new way of saying an oft-heard phrase.”
The Final Say
For those still weary of picking up the pen, Ord offers some fnal words of wisdom. “Start early and make notes as you think of things,” she says. “Read lots of examples and [don’t be afraid to] ask your celebrant for writing methods.”
Perhaps the most poignant piece of advice that Ord imparts is to be honest about you and your partner’s relationship. “Look at your milestones and what made these important,” she says. “Ask yourselves if you were looking back after 50 years together, what would matter most?”
By taking the above advice on board, your wedding vows will not only be remembered for the right reasons, but with any luck, these heartfelt sentiments will also leave your partner lost for words.